This afternoon has been a fail by normal standards. As I tend to type as I speak, I thought it might be useful to record an audio video about this experience too....hopefully it is useful and not too rambling
https://youtu.be/FQzggaOJqYA
No doubt we are being judged and eyes being rolled right now by mental health professionals as a direct results of this (which is fine and washes over me now).
Things always happen in groups - not always threes.
Yesterday our van broke down (again). Luckily not in a dangerous place this time, so we did not need to be rescued by the police (an ordeal I never want to repeat). We (by which I mean my husband and pure luck) got the van home and on our driveway, but the clutch is not working and the van will not go into gear.
Despite today being my chance for a lie in (meaning not having to wake the children up early to get out today- not an actual lie in by any definition), I got up early and prepared a treat breakfast of waffles and extras for us all, in anticipation of the van making a trip to the garage - again.
Today is my son's last counselling appointment. It has been rearranged a few times already, so today was the last attempt by us to make it. This is our only appointment today, 1pm.
Guess what time the RAC turned up to tow the van to the garage, with my husband?
You guessed it, 12.30pm. At 1pm the RAC man was still trying to attach the van legally to his van in order to tow it safely the ten minutes down the road to the garage.
My son knew about the appointment and really didn't want to go- an ongoing theme throughout the series of appointments requiring a child with autism and pathological demand avoidance to sit and talk 1:1 with a counsellor in a strange place where the room changes often, but the knowledge that it is the last one helped convince him to get dressed and ready to go.
Our eldest daughter was dressed and willing to go- just about.
Our youngest daughter totally, absolutely, and passionately refused to make any required effort towards going out. Refusing to get dressed, refusing to talk/listen, bribery not working either. At the point when your child is screaming, wailing and crying, all because their anxiety led need to be in control is so high, that is the point where I put their needs first every time (often way before that but this was an appointment we had to get to). The only other way forward from this point was for her to have a full meltdown which would have been much worse for all concerned.
Frantic internet searching with one hand (I am becoming quite adept at this), whilst consoling a young child in panic attack state with the other, found me the phone number for the place where this appointment was to be held.
I managed to coax her to being quiet enough for me to phone that number- still with her curled up in a ball on my lap- only to hear it has been changed to another number- cue panic as I have no spare hand to write down a number (obviously) and a chaotic room now with three anxious and confused children who I am trying to get to help me remember this new number as I repeat it out loud.
A judgemental tone on the other end of the phone told me all I needed to know about the receptionist who answered this new number. As soon as I explained that the reason I can't get my son to the appointment at such short notice is because I literally cannot get my other child out of the house, the dreaded 'I see' in THAT tone was the response I had- which invariably means the polar opposite, that they have absolutely no idea what it is like trying to get three children with autism and pathological demand avoidance out of the house, at the same time, to go to something they do not want to go to, by myself.
**Just a quick note here to say that even though today was an activity/appointment they really did not want to go to, the response is the same when it is somewhere they do want to go- tomorrow we have gymnastics and I know we will have the same trials getting out of the house then too, as we do every time we need to go anywhere**
As soon as I told the two eldest to take off their coats and shoes, continue doing what they were doing before this whole attempt at going out was made, and to put the pushchair back in the shed please, the demand for leaving the house and getting dressed was gone, and the panic attack began to subside in my youngest. My eldest visibly relaxed in the knowledge that he did not have to go now either. This meant I was able to phone the office where the counsellor is based- knowing she wasn't there now- but to leave a message stating exactly why I was having to cancel this appointment, and leaving three options for them getting final session paperwork to us for completion (I honestly wonder sometimes if that is their primary focus, as she keeps telling me about their annual funding being reliant on value added sessions which are proven by the paperwork they have to laboriously complete in these sessions- a demand!)
I am hoping they will phone me to discuss today and arrange foe the paperwork to be completed without me having to arrange a further session, but we will have to wait and see. It is now half way into the planned session time and I have received no phone call as yet.
(we are still waiting for our social worker to phone us to arrange a child in need meeting - waiting 2 weeks now already, waiting for the education people to phone us back - waiting 6 months.....I have given up chasing people as long as the status quo is stable for us all)
I know have my eldest playing online with his friend, learning how to stream on YouTube, how to communicate effectively without being overbearing, and work ethics; my eldest daughter relaxing and recharging after a busy day yesterday, watching videos on her iPad; and my youngest daughter, still in her pyjamas, still unable to get dressed, flitting from one activity to another, obviously unsettled and still calming down whilst my husband is at the garage and I am trying to write this post whilst setting up a video recording session too (of course, as soon as I sat here, by the computer it was imperative that my youngest used the computer too, at the same time, and the both girls are sat here, by me as I type).
No doubt we are being judged and eyes being rolled right now by mental health professionals as a direct results of this (which is fine and washes over me now).
Things always happen in groups - not always threes.
Yesterday our van broke down (again). Luckily not in a dangerous place this time, so we did not need to be rescued by the police (an ordeal I never want to repeat). We (by which I mean my husband and pure luck) got the van home and on our driveway, but the clutch is not working and the van will not go into gear.
Despite today being my chance for a lie in (meaning not having to wake the children up early to get out today- not an actual lie in by any definition), I got up early and prepared a treat breakfast of waffles and extras for us all, in anticipation of the van making a trip to the garage - again.
Today is my son's last counselling appointment. It has been rearranged a few times already, so today was the last attempt by us to make it. This is our only appointment today, 1pm.
Guess what time the RAC turned up to tow the van to the garage, with my husband?
You guessed it, 12.30pm. At 1pm the RAC man was still trying to attach the van legally to his van in order to tow it safely the ten minutes down the road to the garage.
My son knew about the appointment and really didn't want to go- an ongoing theme throughout the series of appointments requiring a child with autism and pathological demand avoidance to sit and talk 1:1 with a counsellor in a strange place where the room changes often, but the knowledge that it is the last one helped convince him to get dressed and ready to go.
Our eldest daughter was dressed and willing to go- just about.
Our youngest daughter totally, absolutely, and passionately refused to make any required effort towards going out. Refusing to get dressed, refusing to talk/listen, bribery not working either. At the point when your child is screaming, wailing and crying, all because their anxiety led need to be in control is so high, that is the point where I put their needs first every time (often way before that but this was an appointment we had to get to). The only other way forward from this point was for her to have a full meltdown which would have been much worse for all concerned.
Frantic internet searching with one hand (I am becoming quite adept at this), whilst consoling a young child in panic attack state with the other, found me the phone number for the place where this appointment was to be held.
I managed to coax her to being quiet enough for me to phone that number- still with her curled up in a ball on my lap- only to hear it has been changed to another number- cue panic as I have no spare hand to write down a number (obviously) and a chaotic room now with three anxious and confused children who I am trying to get to help me remember this new number as I repeat it out loud.
A judgemental tone on the other end of the phone told me all I needed to know about the receptionist who answered this new number. As soon as I explained that the reason I can't get my son to the appointment at such short notice is because I literally cannot get my other child out of the house, the dreaded 'I see' in THAT tone was the response I had- which invariably means the polar opposite, that they have absolutely no idea what it is like trying to get three children with autism and pathological demand avoidance out of the house, at the same time, to go to something they do not want to go to, by myself.
**Just a quick note here to say that even though today was an activity/appointment they really did not want to go to, the response is the same when it is somewhere they do want to go- tomorrow we have gymnastics and I know we will have the same trials getting out of the house then too, as we do every time we need to go anywhere**
As soon as I told the two eldest to take off their coats and shoes, continue doing what they were doing before this whole attempt at going out was made, and to put the pushchair back in the shed please, the demand for leaving the house and getting dressed was gone, and the panic attack began to subside in my youngest. My eldest visibly relaxed in the knowledge that he did not have to go now either. This meant I was able to phone the office where the counsellor is based- knowing she wasn't there now- but to leave a message stating exactly why I was having to cancel this appointment, and leaving three options for them getting final session paperwork to us for completion (I honestly wonder sometimes if that is their primary focus, as she keeps telling me about their annual funding being reliant on value added sessions which are proven by the paperwork they have to laboriously complete in these sessions- a demand!)
I am hoping they will phone me to discuss today and arrange foe the paperwork to be completed without me having to arrange a further session, but we will have to wait and see. It is now half way into the planned session time and I have received no phone call as yet.
(we are still waiting for our social worker to phone us to arrange a child in need meeting - waiting 2 weeks now already, waiting for the education people to phone us back - waiting 6 months.....I have given up chasing people as long as the status quo is stable for us all)
I know have my eldest playing online with his friend, learning how to stream on YouTube, how to communicate effectively without being overbearing, and work ethics; my eldest daughter relaxing and recharging after a busy day yesterday, watching videos on her iPad; and my youngest daughter, still in her pyjamas, still unable to get dressed, flitting from one activity to another, obviously unsettled and still calming down whilst my husband is at the garage and I am trying to write this post whilst setting up a video recording session too (of course, as soon as I sat here, by the computer it was imperative that my youngest used the computer too, at the same time, and the both girls are sat here, by me as I type).
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