A few weeks ago, under the strong influence of flu, and missing being outside as it travelled through our family, I found out about Treasure Trails online. Still being relatively unfamiliar with our local area, I chose a few of these trails in various local places, ordered them to be posted to us, and have been waiting for an opportunity for us to try one of them out, well aware that this would mean getting all three children out of the house at the same time, and staying out for some time as the trails vary, but are mostly around 90minutes long apparently.
Today was the day- misty, slightly damp with the odd drizzly attempts at rain, we ventured out to a nearby town which is known for being dog friendly, looks appealing and is full of local produce with an unusually bustling town centre.
We were well prepared for this. Once we had faced the battle of our eldest leaving the house (his turn today), had the dog ready in her coat and harness, had the special needs buggy with it's raincover, footplate, sun cover and rain cover ready, had all three ipads with battery, charger, downloaded choice of programmes, coats, boots, gloves, pencils, ear defenders, dummy, drinks and the actual trail itself, off we went.
We managed to park in the narrowest space possible- quite how they expect people to exit a vehicle in these skinny spaces without touching the neighbouring car is a mystery of its' own. As it was, we did the usual of emptying the contents of the van quickly and assembling it all in the car park before fully reversing into the space. Thank goodness for sliding doors!
As I was busy trying to strap our youngest into the pushchair, secure the ipad, dog and raincover, the people from the car next to us returned. I quickly scooted the pushchair over to allow them plenty of room to get to their boot, but they just stood there staring at us. No emotions or words evident, just out and out staring at us. I chose to ignore them both and carried on making sure my daughter was safe and comfortable. We then had to wait for them to stop staring and get into their car before we could open our sliding door for our other children to get out. Part of me willed them to open it and hurry the people up, but I am glad they waited.
The trail itself is an A5 booklet with many clues and directions inside, with the aim of identifying the murderer and their weapon of choice. If you get stuck at any time you can text a free number for help up to three times during the trail. When (or if) you complete the trail and identify your culprit then you enter your details online and they tell you if you were correct or not, as well as giving you all the clue answers.
Some of the clues were straightforward, others more cryptic in nature (not my forte). Once we got into it things became easier, as it led us through parts of the town we would never have found without the trail. At times, our son was able to take control and lead the way which helped reduce his anxiety about not being in control of being out, which in turn made things a little easier for us all for a while.
We spent three hours walking around the small town centre, looking for clues, numbers and names that people wouldn't even notice without this goal. Our little dog managed to walk for a total of around a minute in all, preferring to be carried or riding in the buddy with our daughter. It reminded me of the struggles of an old style town centre, with pavements cluttered by advertising sandwich boards, tables and chairs, and people standing there for a chat, oblivious to the pushchair coming their way- I had this exact experience when my eldest was little and we lived in an old cobbled town where it was safer to walk on the roads than on the pavements.
When our anxious son was carrying the puppy he was visibly more relaxed, even commenting himself on how she was keeping him happier (and warmer). A sneaky pasty was needed at one point to keep him motivated, but £1.60 is well worth avoiding a hangry tween with PDA who did not want to be out any more and was teetering on the edge.
Our aspie daughter loved the clues and the routine and ordered nature of the trail, a lot of it was beyond her years, but I was able to simplify things for her to be able to solve clues and spot answers we were searching for.
Some of the trails we have left currently are spy trails and I can't wait for an opportunity to try our next one- although I am not so sure about the enthusiasm of everyone here.
Incase you are interested- we did get the answers right in the end, and rewarded ourselves with a visit to an old style sweet shop. We are the proud owners of a certificate showing we completed our first trail.
Monday, 19 February 2018
Saturday, 17 February 2018
Know your stuff
It hit me this week after a meeting with a range of professionals, talking about my children, with the sole purpose being my request for respite.
They are all so used to dismissing us parent/carers that the only way to stop that is to argue, but argue knowing your stuff.
I was prepared for this meeting- I knew, from the last one, who was going to be there, and what their agendas were. I knew exactly what we need from each of them and researched all the jargon, terminology, our rights, purchased a printed copy of the SEND code of practice, had been in touch with relevant charities and ordered materials relevant to our needs. As a parent this is not for me to do though. Their role, as professionals there to support my children holistically, is to use the resources at their disposal to support them. They do not.
You have to know exactly what you need, what it is called, what jargon is involved and what service is commissioned to deliver it.
I had plans and reports ready for inspection should they wish to see them, stood my ground when they tried to put me off with the usual.....
We aren’t commissioned to.....
We would look at your ideas.....
Parenting programmes......
It would require a huge commitment by you......
They are reluctant to.......
Are you aware that.....
I didn’t say that, what I meant was......
It is a long process....
I see you are anxious about......
You know the drill, you will have heard it yourselves no doubt.
I am no expert in meetings or dealing with beurocratic lies, but I am an expert in my children and what they need. My best advice to anyone is to be heard. Don’t nod and accept what is being said if you see it in this shortened list above, or if you know it is not true. You are the best advocate for your child and they need you to be strong, prepared and answer back (politely) to these professional brush offs and ask persistently for what you need for them.
Please do remain polite and respectful, even though you may well be screaming inside as no one is listening. Being rude will get you written off as a difficult parent.
When they call you anxious they are mistaking anxiety for strength and knowledge they don’t want you to have. Don’t worry, just fight for what you need.
Then scream and sing really loudly in 5e car on your way home afterwards (waiting until you have left the car park)
They are all so used to dismissing us parent/carers that the only way to stop that is to argue, but argue knowing your stuff.
I was prepared for this meeting- I knew, from the last one, who was going to be there, and what their agendas were. I knew exactly what we need from each of them and researched all the jargon, terminology, our rights, purchased a printed copy of the SEND code of practice, had been in touch with relevant charities and ordered materials relevant to our needs. As a parent this is not for me to do though. Their role, as professionals there to support my children holistically, is to use the resources at their disposal to support them. They do not.
You have to know exactly what you need, what it is called, what jargon is involved and what service is commissioned to deliver it.
I had plans and reports ready for inspection should they wish to see them, stood my ground when they tried to put me off with the usual.....
We aren’t commissioned to.....
We would look at your ideas.....
Parenting programmes......
It would require a huge commitment by you......
They are reluctant to.......
Are you aware that.....
I didn’t say that, what I meant was......
It is a long process....
I see you are anxious about......
You know the drill, you will have heard it yourselves no doubt.
I am no expert in meetings or dealing with beurocratic lies, but I am an expert in my children and what they need. My best advice to anyone is to be heard. Don’t nod and accept what is being said if you see it in this shortened list above, or if you know it is not true. You are the best advocate for your child and they need you to be strong, prepared and answer back (politely) to these professional brush offs and ask persistently for what you need for them.
Please do remain polite and respectful, even though you may well be screaming inside as no one is listening. Being rude will get you written off as a difficult parent.
When they call you anxious they are mistaking anxiety for strength and knowledge they don’t want you to have. Don’t worry, just fight for what you need.
Then scream and sing really loudly in 5e car on your way home afterwards (waiting until you have left the car park)
Sunday, 4 February 2018
When the wheels fall off
Resistance to change
Poor social imagination
Rigidity of thought
Then....flu!
As the main carer givers, to catch flu and be bed bound for a week has been soul destroying. Not only is it against my normal daily routine to stay in bed for a prolonged period, doing nothing, but it is also cause for a gigantic change in routine, predictability and pulled the rug out from all three children, with awful results all week.
Having no energy to be able to negotiate endlessly about every part of every day and night, not being there in person to follow them around as they face problems throughout the day, having to cancel all plans for an entire week, for all three children, including things they were looking forward to, seeing how my being unwell stressed them even more, all made this flu so hard to cope with.
It brought home to me a number of things, namely...
We truly are alone. No one is here to help us when the wheels fall off, we have no one who can or will take the strain for us and help our children
Although I knew our daughter with aspergers/high functioning autism needs a routine of sorts, and predictability, I saw how the other two children, who have pathological demand avoidance and therefore see routine and predictability as a demand, actually struggled when there was none at all.
So I have decided that I need to look after myself more. I am not sure how yet with all our money tied up in repaying debts and paying for specialist activities for our children, and all my time spent caring for them all, but maybe I will find something active to do, outside of the house (I am not counting the trampette, bike or yoga we do here when I can). Watch this space.
One more thing:
To all those who, like Nicole Kidman, think it is clever to go out to public places when you have flu, or any other highly contagious illness....shame on you. You are selfish, causing harm to others without any care. It is no joke for us carers, those with lowered immune systems, those whose carers become ill thanks to you, those who have no one to look after them when they are ill. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
I have never understood people like you, the ones who turn up to an activity for children, stating how sick your child was last night, who go to a soft play area with your unwell child so you can have a break, who go to the cinema when you are ill.
Poor social imagination
Rigidity of thought
Then....flu!
As the main carer givers, to catch flu and be bed bound for a week has been soul destroying. Not only is it against my normal daily routine to stay in bed for a prolonged period, doing nothing, but it is also cause for a gigantic change in routine, predictability and pulled the rug out from all three children, with awful results all week.
Having no energy to be able to negotiate endlessly about every part of every day and night, not being there in person to follow them around as they face problems throughout the day, having to cancel all plans for an entire week, for all three children, including things they were looking forward to, seeing how my being unwell stressed them even more, all made this flu so hard to cope with.
It brought home to me a number of things, namely...
We truly are alone. No one is here to help us when the wheels fall off, we have no one who can or will take the strain for us and help our children
Although I knew our daughter with aspergers/high functioning autism needs a routine of sorts, and predictability, I saw how the other two children, who have pathological demand avoidance and therefore see routine and predictability as a demand, actually struggled when there was none at all.
So I have decided that I need to look after myself more. I am not sure how yet with all our money tied up in repaying debts and paying for specialist activities for our children, and all my time spent caring for them all, but maybe I will find something active to do, outside of the house (I am not counting the trampette, bike or yoga we do here when I can). Watch this space.
One more thing:
To all those who, like Nicole Kidman, think it is clever to go out to public places when you have flu, or any other highly contagious illness....shame on you. You are selfish, causing harm to others without any care. It is no joke for us carers, those with lowered immune systems, those whose carers become ill thanks to you, those who have no one to look after them when they are ill. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
I have never understood people like you, the ones who turn up to an activity for children, stating how sick your child was last night, who go to a soft play area with your unwell child so you can have a break, who go to the cinema when you are ill.
Tuesday, 16 January 2018
All cats have asperger syndrome
Wow! That's my reaction to this amazing little book.
If there was a checklist for a perfect book for my daughter, 8, it would read something like this:
1. Cute cover
2. Cute, fluffy, cuddly animals inside.
3. Not too many words.
4. Means something to me or makes me feel better.
5. Cute pictures.
Well, this book ticks all of these boxes and then some.
I love books, I love how they can help and inform people without being forceful, overbearing or being misunderstood. They do not require demands, they do not chase you or contradict you. They can bring about a full range of emotions in any reader, no matter their age.
My daughter has felt different for some time. She has verbalised this to us, and we have tried our best to help her, as you will know if you have been reading these posts so far. No matter how much we reassure her that she is not weird, she is different in a good way and to embrace this as she is amazing, I think it means more when it is in print than when it comes from your Mum.
We read through every statement before giving it to her today, Every single page means so much and made us instantly think of her.
When she got home from the care farm we showed her the book and the smile that beamed across her face said it all. She loved the pictures inside but more than that she recognised herself throughout the book. She was able to see that she cannot be the only one, because someone else wrote this little book.
If you have a child with aspergers syndrome, or high functioning autism as it is now diagnosed in the UK, I strongly recommend this book. It will help your child not to feel so alone, is not a self help type book, but a pretty and approachable book with a neutral attraction and cuteness factor.
If there was a checklist for a perfect book for my daughter, 8, it would read something like this:
1. Cute cover
2. Cute, fluffy, cuddly animals inside.
3. Not too many words.
4. Means something to me or makes me feel better.
5. Cute pictures.
Well, this book ticks all of these boxes and then some.
I love books, I love how they can help and inform people without being forceful, overbearing or being misunderstood. They do not require demands, they do not chase you or contradict you. They can bring about a full range of emotions in any reader, no matter their age.
My daughter has felt different for some time. She has verbalised this to us, and we have tried our best to help her, as you will know if you have been reading these posts so far. No matter how much we reassure her that she is not weird, she is different in a good way and to embrace this as she is amazing, I think it means more when it is in print than when it comes from your Mum.
We read through every statement before giving it to her today, Every single page means so much and made us instantly think of her.
When she got home from the care farm we showed her the book and the smile that beamed across her face said it all. She loved the pictures inside but more than that she recognised herself throughout the book. She was able to see that she cannot be the only one, because someone else wrote this little book.
If you have a child with aspergers syndrome, or high functioning autism as it is now diagnosed in the UK, I strongly recommend this book. It will help your child not to feel so alone, is not a self help type book, but a pretty and approachable book with a neutral attraction and cuteness factor.
Wednesday, 10 January 2018
The Book People
As many home educators will appreciate, I have a slight obsession with books....and stationery. We used to have a fantastic free book shop close to our home until our move up here- it was linked to the local tip, so any books thrown for general waste and recycling that were clean enough were crated and taken to the free book shop, where customers could choose three each per day they visited. With five of us I am sure you can imagine how many we accumulated.
When we did move, I took a lot of our lesser accessed books back to the free book shop, gave some to friends and sold a few, but many of them were too difficult to part with so simply had to come with us. Then we reached the milestone of living here for a year, the ideal opportunity to assess what we really use and need- more books have had to go. I refuse to throw them out, so they have gone to charity or been sold as we sadly don't have such a free book shop near us anymore.
Now we are down from three overloaded book shelves to one fully stacked bookshelf, one part full of books and miscellany and one with photo albums (another item I can't part with). Our needs as a family have evolved and so our resources need to follow suit to remain appropriate and suitable. My go to place is the book people website (www.thebookpeople.co.uk). I love the smells and feel of old books, but for the children and their sensory needs, they prefer new books that arrive in plastic and cardboard boxes. Their excitement begins with the knock on the door as the courier arrives to deliver the box emblazened with 'The Book People'. They know the books within will be interesting and different to your average textbooks. Generally there will be atleast one book suitable for each of my children in an order - deliberately- and I try to mix up the topics of the books.
I love to read books myself too, but barely have the time to do so these days- when i finally get time to myself I am too tired to read. A familiar story to you I am sure.
I have used this same website to send seasonal gifts to family who live hundreds of miles away too.
Today, only one of my ordered books arrived- the rest are in a separate box which should arrive tomorrow they tell me- but it is this book I wanted to tell you about anyway- which is handy.
HELP YOUR KIDS WITH GROWING UP- A NO-NONSENSE GUIDE TO PUBERTY AND ADOLESCENCE by Robert Winston, published by DK.
I generally find any book published by DK excellent. I remember the eye witness guides they used to produce, and of course the How it Works book too.
This particular book caught my eye because of the author too. Of course the topic was what I was looking for too.
With a son who is turning twelve soon, a daughter who is 8 as well as my youngest at age 5, this book will have plenty of use I am sure.
It is split into colour coded sections addressing each aspect of puberty and adolescence. It is not just about physical changes and sex (although they are also included). The parts I need for my children and family are the relationships, achieving potential, healthy mind, digital life, wider world and families sections.
Each section has various parts to it with hints and tips for teens and parents as well as other facts and things to think about.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, my first port of call was p186, Communication skills. There is information on verbal and non verbal communication here, over a succinct double page spread. The graphics depict a mixture of people, the colours and sectioned layout maintain interest and concentration, and the short sentences keep information overload to a minimum. My plan is to read relevant sections, then leave it open in strategic places here so I am not placing any demands on people to read it, but it is available should they wish to. To avoid potentially inappropriate content being accessed at an early age the plan is to use clips on the pages, to keep the desired pages open only.
I have tried similar tactics previously with limited success, but that was through leaving a whole book out for people to access when they felt ready. Of course- said book was squirreled away, not to be seen again (until I cleaned the room top to bottom). Fingers crossed this approach works better.
When we did move, I took a lot of our lesser accessed books back to the free book shop, gave some to friends and sold a few, but many of them were too difficult to part with so simply had to come with us. Then we reached the milestone of living here for a year, the ideal opportunity to assess what we really use and need- more books have had to go. I refuse to throw them out, so they have gone to charity or been sold as we sadly don't have such a free book shop near us anymore.
Now we are down from three overloaded book shelves to one fully stacked bookshelf, one part full of books and miscellany and one with photo albums (another item I can't part with). Our needs as a family have evolved and so our resources need to follow suit to remain appropriate and suitable. My go to place is the book people website (www.thebookpeople.co.uk). I love the smells and feel of old books, but for the children and their sensory needs, they prefer new books that arrive in plastic and cardboard boxes. Their excitement begins with the knock on the door as the courier arrives to deliver the box emblazened with 'The Book People'. They know the books within will be interesting and different to your average textbooks. Generally there will be atleast one book suitable for each of my children in an order - deliberately- and I try to mix up the topics of the books.
I love to read books myself too, but barely have the time to do so these days- when i finally get time to myself I am too tired to read. A familiar story to you I am sure.
I have used this same website to send seasonal gifts to family who live hundreds of miles away too.
Today, only one of my ordered books arrived- the rest are in a separate box which should arrive tomorrow they tell me- but it is this book I wanted to tell you about anyway- which is handy.
image from ww.thebookpeople.co.uk via google images search
HELP YOUR KIDS WITH GROWING UP- A NO-NONSENSE GUIDE TO PUBERTY AND ADOLESCENCE by Robert Winston, published by DK.
I generally find any book published by DK excellent. I remember the eye witness guides they used to produce, and of course the How it Works book too.
This particular book caught my eye because of the author too. Of course the topic was what I was looking for too.
With a son who is turning twelve soon, a daughter who is 8 as well as my youngest at age 5, this book will have plenty of use I am sure.
It is split into colour coded sections addressing each aspect of puberty and adolescence. It is not just about physical changes and sex (although they are also included). The parts I need for my children and family are the relationships, achieving potential, healthy mind, digital life, wider world and families sections.
Each section has various parts to it with hints and tips for teens and parents as well as other facts and things to think about.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, my first port of call was p186, Communication skills. There is information on verbal and non verbal communication here, over a succinct double page spread. The graphics depict a mixture of people, the colours and sectioned layout maintain interest and concentration, and the short sentences keep information overload to a minimum. My plan is to read relevant sections, then leave it open in strategic places here so I am not placing any demands on people to read it, but it is available should they wish to. To avoid potentially inappropriate content being accessed at an early age the plan is to use clips on the pages, to keep the desired pages open only.
I have tried similar tactics previously with limited success, but that was through leaving a whole book out for people to access when they felt ready. Of course- said book was squirreled away, not to be seen again (until I cleaned the room top to bottom). Fingers crossed this approach works better.
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