Know your stuff

It hit me this week after a meeting with a range of professionals, talking about my children, with the sole purpose being my request for respite.

They are all so used to dismissing us parent/carers that the only way to stop that is to argue, but argue knowing your stuff.

I was prepared for this meeting- I knew, from the last one, who was going to be there, and what their agendas were. I knew exactly what we need from each of them and researched all the jargon, terminology, our rights, purchased a printed copy of the SEND code of practice, had been in touch with relevant charities and ordered materials relevant to our needs. As a parent this is not for me to do though. Their role, as professionals there to support my children holistically, is to use the resources at their disposal to support them. They do not.

You have to know exactly what you need, what it is called, what jargon is involved and what service is commissioned to deliver it.

I had plans and reports ready for inspection should they wish to see them, stood my ground when they tried to put me off with the usual.....

We aren’t commissioned to.....

We would look at your ideas.....

Parenting programmes......

It would require a huge commitment by you......

They are reluctant to.......

Are you aware that.....

I didn’t say that, what I meant was......

It is a long process....

I see you are anxious about......

You know the drill, you will have heard it yourselves no doubt.

I am no expert in meetings or dealing with beurocratic lies, but I am an expert in my children and what they need. My best advice to anyone is to be heard. Don’t nod and accept what is being said if you see it in this shortened list above, or if you know it is not true. You are the best advocate for your child and they need you to be strong, prepared and answer back (politely) to these professional brush offs and ask persistently for what you need for them.

Please do remain polite and respectful, even though you may well be screaming inside as no one is listening. Being rude will get you written off as a difficult parent.
 When they call you anxious they are mistaking anxiety for strength and knowledge they don’t want you to have. Don’t worry, just fight for what you need.

Then scream and sing really loudly in 5e car on your way home afterwards (waiting until you have left the car park)