Hoo Farm

Their glossy leaflets grabbed my children's attention many a time over the last 18months or so, and we have never made it until now.

I found a family ticket on Wowcher for use midweek during the summer holidays and it was excellent value compared to the normal entrance prices.

We arrived and found the tiny car park was full, so I left and parked on the pavement outside. The overflow car park is a long walk with three children with autism and a wheelchair and there were no parking restrictions in place. On our walk back in, which is along the main driveway, not ideal with impulsive children who are so easily distracted as mine, I noticed there was actually a farm gate to the left as you enter the tiny car park (no idea how anyone would turn a car to get in there unless they had been before and knew it was there) and people were parking in this area too.

The short walk in told me all I needed to know about the place- it is run down and needs some money putting into it to keep people visiting. I had suspected they may be a little like this from the fact they are on sites such as Wowcher where only a small proportion of the cost of tickets actually gets passed on to the attractions. However, we aren't a family who are wowed by flashing lights and busy places, so this didn't necessarily matter too much.

She made us wait whilst she sorted out piles of leaflets and papers- again, not ideal with three autistic children eager to get in there.

When we went in I spotted one instant issue. The floor is gravel throughout. Not just a thin layer of gravel, thick, big, chunky gravel so all day pushing the chair through it was terrible. My son had to take over a few times and my daughter had to keep her ear defenders on all day because of the noise of the gravel!

There is one disabled toilet in the place and we had a long long wait for this which turned out to be a member of staff taking FOREVER to 'clean' it. She must have missed the need for more toilet paper and the spiders! The mens only has one cubicle so it was difficult for my son to be able to use a toilet too.

The areas as you walk around bear little resemblance to the map you are given on your way in, and there is so much information provided on the paperwork that my children put it in my bag.

There is a good variety of animals to see, animals to feed and activities to do there and plenty of talks throughout the day.

We were unfortunate enough to be there on the same day as a YMCA trip who let the children ruin the under 5's play area and throw balls at us whilst they chatted and one leader was lay down on her side on the sofa. I never approach people like this, but it was so bad I went and got one of their leaders to make them aware of how unacceptable it was. If a ball had hit my youngest we would have had to leave and it would have ruined her day, and ours too. The leader told me that their group had challenging children in it and that was why they were so loud. Hmmm, no. My children would be classed as challenging by most professionals, yet they are not allowed to behave in this way in areas designated for children of a specific age that is not their own, or at all, and if you know you have children who may need more stimulation to aid their behaviour then you provide that and don't allow them the time to be distracted and display such undesirable behaviours, that was literally their job that day! Thankfully they left before us so we had some peace.

Breathe.

We sat at the tables by the under 5's play area and picnic area for our packed lunch so our youngest could wander safely (she can't sit still for long). Then we discovered the over 5's area, most of which wasn't working.

Towards the end of our time there we went to the fox talk. The member of staff running it announced that she had turned off the electric fence and that people had to be careful of their footing as they entered. She said this loudly, as if addressing us all. My children and another couple of families assumes- fairly so- that she was talking to them too and went to the gate to go in, to be told it was only for the four people who had been stood next to the woman and were on an experience. I felt so bad for all the children who had assumed this and it was completely the woman's doing. I was only glad that mine didn't take it too badly as I was able to say I had seen these encounters online and we could look at booking one maybe.

The pedal go karts were a hit - but the place needs to buy more and fix the ones they have, and the pirate water shooting game was equally as fun.

We visited their shop to break up the day a little and discovered £1.50 porcupine spines (which I would advise you buy at the end of the day, not like us as it stuck into my hand everytime I went into our bag after purchasing it), tattoos and lots of overpriced goods as well as a few pocket money priced items. I had to say no cuddly toys due to the prices so be aware of that if you have a cuddly toy fan as I do.

The animal food was a great idea on the way in. For £1 a bag each they hand fed deer, sheep and llama as well as walking in with the wallabies and hiding food for them to find later. Our walk in with the lemurs was short as the lemurs weren't playing ball and preferred to watch the people walk around their enclosure as they sat in their house - some irony there. There was a very friendly donkey who had lots of cuddles from my youngest every time we passed very slowly and reluctantly by, pigs, goats and much much more.

My children love animals and find them relaxing and comforting. Even just being around them has a profoundly positive impact on them, so for us it was still worth the day out. If your children aren't so keen on animals then there are far better places you can go within the area to see animals and have better facilities too for the same price or less.

If you are going to visit, make sure you take a supply of £1 coins with you for the pirate water shooting game, shark teeth, fossils, bouncy balls, stretchy animals and more.

For those with sensory issues it is smelly, full of old spider webs and spiders (more than needed), the gravel is a disaster and there is a lot to process as you walk around.

For wheelchairs the gravel is a nightmare, as is the tiny shop.

For autism the car parking, waiting to get in, staff being ambiguous and fact that it barely resembles the map is difficult.

I would never go there unless it was on offer again. I don't know if a carer gets in for free with a disabled visitor as on this occasion I was just glad when the lady deemed us worthy of her time to admit us to the place.

Long time no blog

I would love to blame this stunning weather we have been having, or the movement of the earth relative to the sun, but really? It has more to do with a lack of time where I still have the energy or brain power left to put any thoughts together to form a sentence.

Things here have continued to increase in their craziness....apparently that is possible, yes. I wouldn't have believed you if you had said that to me a year ago, yet here we are.

The same always helps to maintain the calmness...

Our little dog with a huge personality is making her feelings known increasingly and is still running to our youngest when she has a meltdown, which is amazing.
Besides that our animals seem to be all confused. Our ginger cat regularly sits in with our rabbit (sadly we had the death of a rabbit to deal with too), our rabbit plays with our dog and also growls at her when he has had enough- it really is something to watch them all together... 

Our eldest and youngest both had a lot of tummy aches and other symptoms, such as mouth ulcers, rashes and generally feeling bad that led me to doing allergy and intolerance testing for them both. It turns out that they both cannot have corn due to intolerances. I thought this would be simple enough- WRONG!! Corn is in EVERYTHING. It is so hard. Just so you know I am not just blowing this into something it isn't....

Family member 1: Allergy to dairy. Intolerant to corn and derivatives, cashew nuts, gluten, celery and more.

Family member 2: Allergy to egg. Intolerant to gluten. Intolerant but no symptoms as yet to dairy. Intolerant to cooked tomatoes.

Family member 3: Allergy to dairy products. Intolerant to gluten, corn and derivatives, peanuts and more.

Family member 4: Allergy to soya, dairy products, egg. Intolerant to gluten, yeast and more.

Family member 5: no intolerances or allergies but lives with us so has to eat all the weird food we do.

Add to this us all having hayfever, one with asthma, two with excema and it is crazy. Eating out cannot happen except for a very small choice at McDonalds, and then only at ones we can trust (not ideal).

Shopping for food is a nightmare as I have to read ALL ingredients on EVERYTHING. I cannot buy meat in the shop, it has to be from a butcher who butchers their own meat. Any processed food is a no-no. This means a lot of home cooking, most of which is a disaster because all recipes need to be altered for our diets. Plus, add on top of that the fact the children's autism and sensory processing difficulties and I wonder how they actually eat anything at all.

We are back in the loop of potato products (very few are ok but thankfully I have found a handful that work) with peas and carrots, crisps, biscuits and cereal. Of course, each of these has to be the specific brand in the specific box/bag. Our trusted cereal changed their packaging recently to advertise the new Jurassic Park film, so now our youngest can't eat those anymore :(

The rate at which we are going through Bob's Red Mill 1 for 1 flour is noones business. I am in a bit of a panic internally at the moment actually with a birthday this week coming, and the inevitable pressure of having to make a cake without all of the above ingredients. Plus, icing- this contains corn flour so is a no-no. I have learned to make my own but it is time consuming and a pain in the proverbial. I am still experimenting with cake recipes too and they might work one day but not the next- like all gluten free cooking it seems. I have discovered they like a particular brand of marzipan though- bonus!

Besides the food issues, we have been trying to keep as busy as we can, allowing for down time inbetween busy times. It seems to be working on the whole, but the days out we have been doing are very child centred. I still know that if I tried to persuade them into anything else they hadn't picked then we would be met with resistance leading to issues.

We have managed a canal tour though, something I have wanted to do since moving here, but ssshhhh....don't tell them it was my idea ;)

We have had a nice break from professionals too so things have calmed down around appointments until next week. Oh, and our eldest has started to feel able to go out a bit more and even talk to other people. Yesterday he even went on a day trip with people he hadn't met before (to a place he knows very well and with a phone to contact me if needed) and had an awesome day. We even just caught him outside playing with the boy from next door over the fence :)

Our eldest daughter has been struggling more, but she always does over these months, and we keep having to get her through, which is what we are doing currently.

Our youngest is still the whirlwind she always has been.

Gifts for children with ASD

I have seen this a LOT recently - 'Gifts for children with ASD' or 'Are you stuck? Perfect gifts for children with ASD' etc. It makes me really sad. 

Not only are there these headline style adverts targeting parents of children with autism, but also a plethora of posts on social media from parents, asking other parents what they should get their child for Christmas, because they have ASD and don't play with toys or are sensory seekers etc.

from Pinterest https://uk.images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=A2KLj.tEmTZagVkA1mOe3olQ;_ylu=X3oDMTIyamVqNWk3BHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDaW1nBG9pZAM5ZWE4OWViYmNjY2IxOTMwMTZiNTJhZDBmZTZmZjA1MgRncG9zAzYEaXQDYmluZw--?.origin=&back=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.swagbucks.com%2F%3Ft%3Di%26q%3Dchristmas%2BASD&w=397&h=397&imgurl=s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com%2F736x%2F53%2Ffa%2Fda%2F53fada6cdf0b7e35facaf41ec128f046--christmas-shirts-christmas-christmas.jpg&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpldenning%2Fautism%2F&size=32.1KB&name=88+best+%3Cb%3EAutism%3C%2Fb%3E+images+on+Pinterest&p=christmas+ASD&oid=9ea89ebbcccb193016b52ad0fe6ff052&fr2=&fr=&tt=88+best+%3Cb%3EAutism%3C%2Fb%3E+images+on+Pinterest&b=0&ni=162&no=6&ts=&vm=p&tab=organic&sigr=11bm6esue&sigb=11d0f9plh&sigi=13lhoc6u0&sigt=119omepgo&sign=119omepgo&.crumb=BQt65bLZZRl&hsimp=yhs-prodege_001&hspart=prodege&type=search_6&vm=p&param1=12903760&param2=27831256&param4=1603411337

I am no expert. This is only my opinion, but I feel deeply upset for these children. 

We were looking for pantomime tickets a few weeks ago and came across a listing for 'autism friendly' shows. Further investigation revealed that these have all the fun aspects of the pantomime removed, all the parts that make the pantomime a pantomime, leaving a bland, lack lustre show that would still scare my children and be just as overloading for them as the original show, just without the fun parts. 

Those of you who have read my posts to now will know I have three children, all of whom have autism diagnoses, all of whom have sensory processing difficulties, and all of whom are children. Yes, that's right, they are still children. I wish I could shake some of these parents and remind them their children are children. Just because our children have ASD it does not mean that they should only have a blanket and a chewy necklace for Christmas. Equally, it does not mean that they should have nothing in order to save their anxiety over Christmas presents. The NAS has information to help guide families and children through the changes of Christmas and the anxieties this can bring: http://www.autism.org.uk/about/family-life/holidays-trips/christmas.aspx

Before you rush to the comment section, please think about this. I know all children, families and parents are different. Indeed, many do not celebrate Christmas for various reasons, unrelated to ASD. I am aware that some children do not like surprises or secrets and want to know exactly what gifts they will be having before they get them. I know that families have widely varying finances and budgets, and I am aware of just how wide a spectrum ASD is. But....they are children.

When you think about the anxieties that are caused by change, and not being in control, then you can easily see the challenges of Christmas for a child (or adult) with ASD. Houses and street look different, there are new lights everywhere, shops all look and sound different, smells are changed, people wear different clothes to normal, programmes on TV are different, food changes, boxes and packaging looks different, adverts on TV and the radio are all geared towards Christmas- the list goes on. Even their own home changes- no matter how sensitively or minimally, it still changes. There is no escaping it for them, and children react in different ways to these changes. There is no denying it is a stressful time for all those who have or live with those who have ASD. However, that does not mean that we should further single them out as different by subscribing to the advertising reinforcing that message.

When I think back to my childhood, specifically to Christmases as I was growing up, I always struggled with the social aspects of having people in my house who were essentially strangers, of having to wear ridiculous clothes that itched and felt terrible, I hated the smells of Christmas dinner and then the alcohol and people smell that is inevitable when you cram 14 people into one room to eat a long drawn out meal. I never understood  the pomp and circumstance that surrounded our family Christmas- and indeed boxing day- each year, and very often would receive gifts that I honestly did not want, need or know how to receive, but I never cared. I could sit there with a little pile of gifts, whilst everyone else did the same, opening mine quietly whilst the more gregarious characters oohed and ahhed at theirs, grabbing all the attention, gladly removing it from me in the corner, trying to save the ribbons and bows, saving the gift tags, always noticing who had thrown their £10 in the rubbish pile, watching people opening the gifts I had wrapped up for them. For me it was never about what I had, more about the quiet time when i could hide away, the watching of other people and observing how others behaved when opening their gifts and compared them with others. Despite this, if I had got a blanket or a body sock when all the others had cash, chocolates and toys, I would have been singled out and felt it. 

I have no diagnosis of ASD, and have never pursued an assessment. I strongly suspect that the children's autism genetically stems from me though, and see so much of myself in my eldest daughter in particular (which is great for her as i completely understand how she thinks and feels about things most of the time).  That is another post for another time though. The relevance here is that I never really played with toys either. I loved cuddly toys- I had cupboards full and remember being literally devastated when my plush rocking horse was thrown in the tip when I was 17 years old. I did move on to collecting cat items- ornaments etc for a while, but even now I have a few cuddly toys that are mine. I always knew what I would like for Christmas as a child- invariably a cuddly toy, and I remember the conversations that ensued each year when my list for Father Christmas was asking for more cuddly toys, trying to persuade me that I did not need any more cuddlies, that I would need to thrown out some before I could get any more, that Father Christmas made toys, not cuddlies etc. It never worked with me. I still always wanted the same things. My daughter is exactly the same. 

My son didn't ask Santa for anything particular this year. He doesn't know what he wants other than - ready for this??- a laptop, an ipad and lots of Robucks. 

My youngest daughter asked Santa for a list of toys that she has been compiling and checking repeatedly since the summer. Many of the items on there I have never seen anywhere, but have had to do some searching about. 

There are specific items that they all need, including weighted blankets, a writing desk ramp, a specialist trike taxi so they can all ride bikes together, the constant replenishing of their clothes and shoes ( the same ones of course) , replacement dummies and chewy sensory items, but I will not be giving them these as their Christmas gift. They will be having items from their letters to Santa for Christmas. Of course they will be getting some additional items too to fill their stocking a little more, and a special gift each from us as parents too, but none of these will have been marketed as being for children with ASD. 

I have little doubt that parents of children with any additional need or medical diagnosis will have found this same phenomenon expanding over recent years- the bombardment of targeted marketing from online stores, aiming products at your child's specific needs. Imagine if Toys R Us or Smyths (or others) advertised their toys as being specifically for children without ASD? 

For us, the plan is to proceed with caution, monitoring their reactions, feelings and anxieties every turn, whilst continuing to educate them in life through experiences, being sensitive to their needs and preferences wherever possible, guiding them through every step, supporting them with their sensory needs, carrying a backpack full of aids and distractions, but overall treating them the same as any other child the same age, to the best of our abilities.....regardless of what others may say from the outside.