Hints and tips along the way

Meeting other parents is where I think we pick up the most useful tips and hints- things we all wish we had magically known from our children's birth, but no-one tells you until now.
I am still new to this world of autism and SEN, paperwork etc etc so am sure I will be missing many many things below too, but here are the most important ones I have learnt about to date:

For example:

I didn't know DLA (disability living allowance) existed. I never knew that you can claim this benefit for children who have any disability, extra care of support needs beyond 'those normally expected for a child the same age'. My son is 11 years old now and when I think back to the financial difficulties I have had over the years because he has been unable to use public transport/eat cheaper foods/access mainstream activities etc I can't help but feel annoyed that I didn't know about it.

Plus- if you are caring for your child (or anyone else for that matter) who claims DLA (or PIP as older teenagers/adults) then you can claim carer's allowance as their full time carer. It won't make you rich, but given the hours you spend caring for your child (I will talk about children even though my husband is registered disabled because this blog is mainly about my children and our lives together with autism) the £62.70 a week is better than nothing.

You do NOT need a diagnosis in order to claim DLA. If you have any appointment letters, letters from other people who can confirm the difficulties that your child has and extra care or support needs they have then that will help your claim. DLA is needs based so make sure you put as much information on your claim form as you can (add additional pages if you need to) and base it all on your worst days. Keeping a diary for a few days before you begin filling in the form will help you immensely. Also, be prepared for completing the claim form to be soul distressingly hard as you fill out around seventy pages with the worst aspects of caring for your child and not mentioning any positives or strengths anywhere. Also, phone up and request a paper copy of the form because this gives you a date for backdating the claim and a date by which you have to return the form- far easier to motivate you this way I found. I found most of the questions seemed to lean towards physical disabilities, so look at the Cerebra guide for advice here http://w3.cerebra.org.uk/help-and-information/guides-for-parents/ Also- DLA is not means tested.

PHOTOCOPY EVERYTHING and keep everything in writing. If you are applying for something, asking for something or complaining about something, keep it in writing. Ask for email addresses, search the internet and social media for email addresses for people with responsibility. I have had to use my paper trail many times to push people to doing their jobs (should not have to, but you do).

CAMHS referrals - your GP (if they are anything like mine) will write as little as possible on their referral, and CAMHS will probably refuse the referral (if they are like CAMHS here), so refer yourself as well. Many councils have the referral forms available online if you search for CAMHS referral and your council area. If not, there is no reason you can't write them a letter detailing the reasons why you want them to see your child- focus on the triad of impairments for autism and either send it recorded delivery or hand deliver it.

Your local council has a local offer (in England). On the council website you can follow the menus/search for local offer, where they have to list all the available services for people with disabilities and additional needs in their local area. There will be useful contact information here for people in all different services, plus you might locate activities for your children if you are lucky.

If your child is in a mainstream school or home educated then you can apply for an EHC assessment (educational health care assessment). As a home educator I have not gone through with an EHC for any of my children purely because of the meddling family support worker we had, but I know of other local home educators who have EHC plans for their children, but the focus seems to be on trying to get those children into a school placement/alternative provision. If you have questions about the EHC process then your go to places are IPSEA (https://www.ipsea.org.uk/) or your local parent partnership (here called sendiass). The latter cannot advise you on what to do for the best and I didn't find them very helpful, but I know plenty of people who sing their praises, but those people know they definately want an EHC. If you are refused an EHC assessment then you can appeal it, and then if you are still refused you can take the local authority to court- called a tribunal- where you prove your child's needs and that a mainstream school and provision would not meet these needs, therefore that the authority needs to help. IPSEA has lots of advice on this and there are also many social media support groups which can offer speedier advice at times, with the usual caution for social media.

It is worth checking out what the local health professionals are commissioned to work on and diagnose. For example, here, CAMHS is commissioned to diagnose ASD but then there is very little follow up support; occupational therapy is not commissioned to assess for sensory needs or sensory profiling and speech and language therapists are only commissioned to work with children with physical difficulties with their speech. This meant that the wait for OT (3 months) and SALT (2 months) was a waste for all my children and they required private assessments.

There are websites that are full of advice, information and signposting for autism (http://www.autism.org.uk/) and PDA (https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/) which also include sections on assessments, diagnoses, symptoms, strategies and more. I recommend joining the autism society and reading their magazines when they arrive (quarterly I think) and using their card when you need to raise awareness that unwarranted advice is not appropriate.

PECS is a communication tool that uses small, simple pictures which you can put on a keyring to help your child communicate their needs. You don't need to pay crazy money for them either- there are many available on auction sites and online. Another similar topic is visual timetables- take a look on twinkl, or http://www.communication4all.co.uk/http/KS2%20Displays.htm amongst many others. They are also available readily on auction sites. We bought a whiteboard for our home and use magnets to stick their timetables up daily so they are easily interchangeable, removable during the day and the children all know where to look for the day.

If you suspect/know your child has autism, seek out an occupational therapist with sensory integration training. I cannot tell you how much of a difference this makes. We used http://www.childrenschoicetherapy.co.uk/ but you may be able to find people closer to you. I know sensory processing needs can seem small when you are in the midst of dealing with meltdowns, avoidance strategies, possibly violence and more, but if you can pinpoint any sensory needs with the help of a full sensory profile, then you can work with your child to reduce their behaviours and sensory meltdowns.

Grants- there are charities out there who offer grants specifically for children/families with disabilities and additional needs. We found that having DLA for three children put us over the income threshold for many of them, which made me question whether they realise why it is that we have DLA for three children and that that means we have three times the outgoings too, but if you search on turn2us, you will find a grants search tool where you can filter results to specific gender/age/needs. The main people we keep hearing about are Merlin's Magic Wand (they offer a day out for children and their families at one of their attractions if you are successful in your application) and Family Fund (we have not had any grant from these either but lots of other families have). There are many costs that families encounter when there are disabilities/additional needs- for example our swimming lessons are £18 a week for two children because they need the one particular teacher and no groups at a quiet time- and the only bike I have ever found that my daughter would consider going near would cost us £650. Items such as night pants at £4 a pack when they are on offer soon add up, dummies and chewy items aren't cheap, keeping the house warm 24/7 costs a small fortune- not to mention the assessments, parking for appointments, treatments, electricity to power their computers which allow them the essential down time to recharge after being around people, costs for the care farm....etc etc.

Young carers- if you have more than one child then young carers can be wonderful. Even though all my children have autism, our eldest daughter is able to cope with young carers because they have befriended her through 1:1 sessions with one particular worker there, so she feels able to access activities there now because she knows that worker. It gives her time to be herself, away from the stresses of living with two siblings with PDA.

Seek out local charities for activities for your children. We moved area last year from an area where there was very little as it was fairly rural, to an urban location. I was determined to find activities the children could access and where they would feel supported as quickly as possible in order to ease the transition of moving (autism, change, moving across the country, scary). Here we have a few charities who run various activities throughout the year for children of specific ages and needs as well as local groups I found through google and social media searches.

Autism stole my children away

Autism stole me children away
secret, subconscious hopes and dreams
eaten edge to edge along the years
anxiety, difficulties and strategies in their place
acronyms becoming part of our vocabulary
jargon once so terrifying now daily utterances.

My baby with her chubby face,
gripping her tiny hand around my finger,
gurgling, rocking, wide eyes unaware of the world
everything new, exciting, full of possibility
slowly but surely disappearing inside herself
daily demands have been too much to bear
her struggles all too raw and heartbreaking
my best for her cannot ever be enough
to guide her through our contradictory, non literal world
where different means wrong and understanding so lacking.

My tiny little girl, battled to survive
only to face the ongoing autism war
fighting convention, expectation, presumption and a rough start
people misunderstanding, letting her down, saying one, meaning two,
her young life scary, anxious, mistrusting, secret sorrow,
friendships elusive, world so loud and bright
room made for time out, recharging, rebuilding
meting people so exhausting.

My bouncing baby boy, rolls of blubber on chubby legs
up, walking before your body was big enough to cope
full of beans, mischief, the glint in your eyes
glazed over as life becomes too much
other people expect too much, traditions complicate life for you
what to say, how to stand, where to look, when to speak

For all of you, life is not straightforward
People are confusing, seem to be tricking you
Noises, lights, movements, smells, touches, foods, all too much
How will you cope as you age- how will you mature
my worries long ahead of your young years

within a year of the words being spoken, written in ink
coming to terms with what my heart knew deep down
trying to remain positive, look to the future with hope
strong for you when you can't be
guiding you through obstacles all the way

Autism stole my children away,
love and understanding keeps them close

Telling our children they have autism

At eleven, our son was pretty aware of why we drove the four hours to see a team of professionals, and so I explained to him beforehand that we were going to see them for an assessment, which meant he would have to do some games and online puzzles whilst I talked to some people in the other room. 

It was tough because I didn't really know what to expect either, so I couldn't answer many of his questions about the team, or day, but he understood that it was all for a positive reason and that, regardless of the outcome of the day's assessment, it didn't change anything and we still love him the same.

We had sat down together as a family a week or so before the appointment, and i had introduced the idea that there is a rainbow with fluffy white clouds that some people call autism. I explained to all three of my children that lots of people are somewhere on the rainbow or clouds (my son would not appreciate being on a rainbow, hence the fluffy clouds), and that makes them special, as their brains work in different ways to people who aren't on the rainbow and clouds. I introduced the words autism, demand avoidance and anxiety lightly and told them that me and their daddy thought that they were probably all on the rainbow and clouds, and that we both suspect we would be too, but when we were younger people didn't think of it like we do now.

They all accepted this introduction well, and it seemed to make sense to our eldest two, even though we had said we couldn't say they definitely had autism without a team of doctors assessing them first. 

The team we went to for our son's assessment, and our youngest daughter's assessment are a four hour drive away from home, so required an overnight hotel stay before the assessment. This provided me with the perfect opportunity, away from the normal distractions at home, to explain the next day and possible outcomes to them in age appropriate ways. 

Our eldest daughter was assessed by the ASD assessment team in our local CAMHS, so her assessment was spread over a few visits. She has far higher visible anxiety than my other two children and found the assessment process far more difficult than they did, possibly because of the environment being relatively clinical, the time between visits being prolonged and not knowing exactly what and who to expect. But then I suspect she would have reacted the same to the private assessment team also, and was concerned that she would not be able to be assessed by them in one day if she did have this reaction there. 

Our eldest said that the diagnosis made sense to him. I read Ruth Fidler's books to him about PDA and sensory processing disorder (available and more information here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00QQWRY8C/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1). I shortened both and then left them for him to read himself when he wanted to. 

Initially he accepted the diagnosis and seemed to find it a relief that lots of his struggles were in the books I left for him to read. Then he went through a period of being annoyed that he had autism, wanting to be 'normal' and he said once that he wished he had nothing wrong with him. I have done work with him and used younger minds and online psychology sessions to try and boost his self esteem and understanding that having autism is not a negative. Unfortunately he has had some additional things to deal with since then which have had a profoundly negative effect on his mental health, but we are working on this together as best we can.

Our eldest daughter was amazing. She was happy- big, smiley happy- when i told her her diagnosis. She instantly said that she was relieved that she isn't just weird. She has said to me for some time that she feels she is different to other children and wants to make friends but can't. These were some of the main reasons we decided to go through ASD assessment for her, knowing how hard she would find the process. I felt it was important to be able to tell her that she is not weird, or different to others in any negative way, and to be able to support her in the right way, using the correct strategies. She is comfortable with the diagnosis and words around it, and we will be working together to help her understand herself better and her anxieties and feelings in time.

Our youngest is only five years old, and so I have told her she is on the rainbow and that means she has autism. I have also told her that some of the things she has problems with, like sharing toys, playing with other children, feeling angry and not being able to say it but only scream, needing ear defenders and other things, is because she has autism and PDA. I don;t think she understands it, other than knowing her big brother and sister also have autism. It is something we will work on together as she gets older, but until then we will try our best to help her, and he siblings to all manage and recognize their emotions and anxieties better.

As a mum, I have honestly found, an am still finding, their diagnoses hard to hear and take. 

I referred each of them for assessments because I strongly suspected that they had autism and PDA. In my heart I knew that each of them thought differently and had different strengths and already knew they had autism before each of their assessments. However, and I cannot stress this enough, knowing it yourself does not make it any easier to hear when it is categorically confirmed as a medical diagnosis. To sit there and hear a professional who has really taken the time to understand your child tell you about your own child is hard. So so hard. I am still awaiting two of their diagnostic reports, but the one I have for my son is around forty pages long in all and makes for tough reading. 

I found it nothing short of miraculous that, after only a few hours together, they had understood my son's struggles and difficulties, as well as his strengths. Hearing how many of the small aspects of his daily life they had picked up on, along with possible strategies and signposting towards help and support for him made me feel more confident in their diagnosis than any research beforehand had done.

They did exactly the same with my youngest daughter. The team had picked up on how bright she is from their testing, seen her strategies for ignoring and avoiding demands, seen how well she manipulates conversations and avoids topics she doesn't want to engage in. They answered how my son often walks in front of people without realising it, why he leans on everything, why my daughter can't sit and eat with us at meal times.....I could go on and on but basically, getting the diagnosis is hard and heartbreaking, but worth it for all concerned.   

Snow!

Yesterday my eldest daughter was having a 'very off day' as she put it. In her thought patterns she went to Christmas and how she has never had a white Christmas (sadly that it something I cannot fix for her), and she wished it would snow.
Then...

"MUMMY! DADDY! MUMMY! DADDY! IT's SNOWING!! REALLY SNOWING!! LOOK!!!!"

and just like that any thoughts of having a relaxing lie in this Saturday morning were gone. Gone into the box of hats, gloves and scarves, gone outside in the freezing cold snowy garden in my pyjamas because of course, snow means we have to have a snow ball fight and build a snowman.....right now.
(Last time we had snow my husband had to get her in from the garden at 4am! How she had known it was snowing at that time, or how he knew she was out there at that time I still have not worked out...but atleast I was glad this morning it was around 8am)

Little miss with PDA of course refused to come outside in the snow to play or join in, so her and my husband stayed cwtched in a lovely warm bed for a while, whilst me and eldest daughter threw snow balls, build (and rebuilt) a snowman together, then phoned them to get them out of bed and into the garden. Of course, little miss still refused, and remained defiant until we all went outside together and she had no demands to avoid any more. At that point she put trainers and gloves on with her pyjamas and headed outside, dummy in mouth, shouting for me to get her coat.

My husband let the rabbits out into the garden, so they thought it was great fun to try and eat the snowman's nose everytime we turned our backs, both girls had fun teaming up against daddy in the snowball fight whilst I headed in to make us all a warm breakfast/brunch and clear the decks for frozen gloves etc.

The snow has all gone now, puddles in it's place. Out snowman is a small blob of snow, with a soggy hat, two wet branches, a few stones and a very cold carrot surrounding him.

It made me think though, looking around at all the other empty gardens in the neighbourhood- living with children with autism has advantages and fun times too, and their rigidity of thought can make for entertaining times :)

People we have seen over the last 12 months... 'professionals'

'Professionals' is written such as a result of our encounters with many of them who I firmly believe are in the wrong job.
We have seen many who are excellent, well informed, care, experienced and who have helped us. Sadly they have not been the ones who have left the marks.


We have three children, and have moved area, both factors which have increased the numbers of appointments I suspect, but regardless of that, here is a list in as much order as I can remember:

GP- numerous times
Police
Health visitor
Occupational therapist with post graduate sensory integration training - private
Social services safeguarding team- at my request after physical injury and threats in our home from my son
Audiologist- NHS
Occupational therapist with post graduate sensory integration training- private- for different child
Online counselling for child
NSPCC- I approached them for support and do NOT recommend anyone does this. There are far better support networks out there who are less harmful.
CAMHS initial assessment- twice, for two different children
Family support worker- supposedly Early Help worker
Elective Home Education officer- informed of our existence in their locality by interfering family support worker
School nurses
ASD assessment team- privately funded
Social services safeguarding team- when I told the early help worker not to bother, she reported me to them!
Group counselling for child
Younger mind 1:1 counselling for child
Occupational therapist- NHS
CAMHS- concerns over mental health of child
CAMHS- initial assessment for third child
Social worker- did an assessment and met our children, then went off for six months
ASD assessment team at CAMHS - NHS
Younger mind wellbeing 1:1 sessions for different child
Speech and language therapists- NHS
Social Worker (at time of writing we have met our social worker once, briefly, and are waiting for a phonecall to arrange a meeting.....she has until Wednesday then I will be emailing her boss's boss)
ASD assessment team- privately funded

On top of these there is also Young Carers who are doing 1:1 work with one of my children, a care farm which my children access, hospital optician appointments and other medical appointments linked to other care and support needs.

Plus, local short break services open to all children with additional needs and disabilities because they cannot access mainstream extracurricular clubs and activities without support (I find the name 'short breaks' a cruel joke if I am honest but they are literally better than nothing), private swimming lessons (neither of our two with PDA can have group lessons and need the right teacher in order to get along at all), and carefully chosen other activities that will further their education and interests, whilst not causing too much anxiety or sensory overload. Plus, of course, the constant managing of our children's needs and anxieties, piles of paperwork that accompany every single request for support or help, fending off phonecalls and emails from people who always contact us at the worst time.

Our experience with the NSPCC and Family Support Worker was terrible. They met together, without us knowing, a few times, and discussed us, without us knowing, coming to incorrect conclusions and contacting people they had no right to contact, causing immense stress and putting our child in danger. A full complaint has been sent as a result and this is why my advice not to contact them stands.

If you have a child who is in danger from abuse then there are other charities and agencies who can help you, including Stop it Now! and Women's Aid. There is much anecdotal evidence from other families who have had similarly negative experiences unfortunately.

As with everything in life, some people will have had positive experiences where we have had negative and vice versa. I accept that and would not argue that that is not the case.

Assessment Journey

A story so familiar to so many families fighting the diagnosis fight, trying to prove themselves as good parents to professionals who insist on parenting courses, repeatedly finding yourself listing all the negatives about your child/family, repeating yourself to professional after professional, completing numerous forms and going to appointment after appointment, seeking referrals only to be turned down.

Our story started seven years ago when the first person, other than me, noticed that my son was requiring more input/care/support than a child would be expected to at the same age. That person was the SENCO at his primary school, who supported a referral to the GP and referral to the local paediatricians. One may be forgiven for believing that our story is short and ended there, but, as I am sure you can guess, that sadly was not the case. 

Our appointment with the paediatrcian was running late, so my son was unhappy in the waiting room. I read him the famous parenting riot act which subdued him just in time for the Dr to call us through for the appointment. 

We entered the new room, in a building we had never been to before, met the Dr, who we had never seen before, and whilst he checked our personal details were all accurate, my son sat on the chair as he had been told to. The Dr- a paediatrician remember- then said that he could not possibly have ADHD because if he did then he would not be able to sit in the chair still like that, checked his weight and height, and discharged us. 

We then had a number of life changing personal situations which took precedence for a number of years over any further investigations from unhelpful medical professionals. I completed several different parenting courses- each one prompted by my approaching someone for help for me and my son. These ranged from patronising to useless. Not one of them was helpful in any way, shape or form. One lady, who was delivering the course 1:1 with me after I refused to attend another course, actually gave up after meeting my son and I together, saying that she could see I was doing all the right things and the course would not be helpful! Sadly that was not the last parenting course I have been on though.

I am in no doubt that these parenting courses are extremely useful and enlightening for some parents, indeed they were for some parents who were on the courses with me. Those parents did not have children with the same needs as mine. Their children were and are in mainstream school with no additional support. Their children do not have medical needs or care needs beyond those expected for a child the same age.

I have stopped myself from hiding the eye-rolls when people suggest parenting courses, sticker charts, rewards, positive reinforcement, or sleep hygiene. I no longer nod politely and agree with these professionals who clearly have no idea what I, and my family, are dealing with every day and night. I have stopped waiting patiently for people to call me back and begun emailing heads of departments instead. There is no option if you want your children to be seen and taken seriously. Even then you still get fobbed off...but I digress.

It took from the age of four, to the age of eleven for my son to be finally assessed properly. That assessment only came about after we paid for a private assessment. Our reason for paying was not because we think private is better than NHS, or because we can afford it, it was because he had two huge meltdowns in a short space of time, both of which required police involvement, one caused serious physical injury to a member of our family, and social services would not help us. Our GP referred us to CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health services) who seem to do everything possible to not see anyone. They refused the referral three times until I wrote to them and followed that up with a phonecall basically demanding an appointment. The initial appointment was a few weeks later and they agreed that an ASD (autism spectrum disorder) assessment was needed, but the waiting list was around two years. Two years? He had just broken a bone in a family member's body and had a final warning from the police when I had marched him in there. No way could we wait two years. No matter how much I expressed my concerns for his mental health and future, there was no movement or support offered. To the contrary, me seeking support made things so much harder and opened the doors for busy bodies to stick their noses into our business, stir the pot, then leave us in a worse state than we had been before. That is why we went private.

We researched A LOT before deciding where to go for assessment. We didn't want to pay over the odds, wait a long time, see anyone who wasn't properly qualified or registered and inexperienced, and we had a fairly good inkling that he might have autism with PDA (pathological demand avoidance). We read a lot of books, blogs, websites and joined as many social media support groups as we could before deciding who to go and see. Our research led us to a particular psychologist with many years experience assessing and working with people with autism and PDA. Other people had been to see the team and some had come away without a diagnosis, some with, which led us to the conclusion that they were not just handing out diagnoses in return for money (a view many of these professionals seem to have but which can easily be discredited with a little research and diagnostic report). 

Our eldest daughter has been through more than anyone her age should have to, and has far more support and care needs than a child her age would 'normally' have.  Despite this, and the many professionals who have been involved with her, not once has she been assessed, or any real help been offered. Each and every person who has become involved with her over the years has done the bear minimum and then left. My referral to CAMHS was extremely thorough and we were fortunate to be accepted on to their waiting list around the same time as a new directive was published, stating all new CAMHS patients had to be seen within 18 weeks. She has been very lucky to have been referred, assessed and diagnosed all within a year. We now know exactly what she, and us, are dealing with and the best ways to support her. The assessment process was extremely stressful for her and caused her huge anxiety and stress, but her reaction to the diagnosis was amazing and inspiring.

Our youngest child presents spookily similarly to our eldest, but with even more pronounced needs and difficulties. We were as confident as we could be without having the correct degree, that she had autism and PDA. I approached our health visitor with my concerns and was spoken to as if I was three. She was patronising beyond belief, and no help whatsoever. My concerns over my daughter's sound sensitivity and sensory needs were brushed off, her demand avoidance surrounding sleep and eating were passed back to me with the suggestion of reward charts (yawn! eye roll!) and then she had the audacity to meet with our GP, without us knowing, and they discussed it together and decided there was no need to do anything for our daughter beyond (another) hearing test. I took her for the hearing test and told the lady there that we were wasting her time- which she then confirmed to have been the case as her results - again- showed no physical hearing problems. We decided to bypass the useless medical staff here and went straight for a parental referral to CAMHS and private assessment for autism and PDA with the same people we had decided to use for our son.

CAMHS actually saw her before the private appointment, and agreed that an ASD assessment was needed as she showed so many signs, but I told them I had a private assessment booked already and didn;t want to waste their time, or take someone else's spot on the waiting list, so ended it there for now. 

In our area, as in many areas in the UK, PDA is not recognised by CAMHS or social care. This is not because it doesn't exist, merely because the DSM-V (a diagnostic manual issued in america for professionals and insurance companies to know what will be paid for by insurance and what will not) has changed the wording for autism. PDA is not there and the manual no longer separates autism into different diagnoses, preferring to refer to it as an spectrum disorder. This is also why our eldest daughter has a diagnosis of high functioning autism, not Aspergers, as this was also taken out of the DSM-V and bundled into the umbrella of autism (I have heard parents of children with a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome commenting that this must mean there is now no diagnosis for their  child and they must magically need no extra care or support now then). 

There is more information on this here: http://www.autism.org.uk/DSM-5

Our three children have been diagnosed with autis m, with different profiles, within the last six months.

Two privately, and one by our local CAMHS ASD assessment team.

They have been diagnosed with autism with a pathological demand avoidant profile (two of them) and high functioning autism with other needs too. 

I was going to list the people we have seen this year but will post that as a separate shorter post I think.

(side note- if, like me at first, you find these abbreviations and jargon confusing there is a brilliant site I found here: https://www.ipsea.org.uk/what-you-need-to-know/jargon-buster and another here: https://www.thinklocalactpersonal.org.uk/widgets/jargon-widget/)

Also- I read many blog posts and wonder how on earth these parents manage to find time to write blogs whilst their children are there with them, knowing how demanding this can be. Well, I have already had to save a draft of this twice, go and sort out a minecraft emergency, redirect three children several times to finding dummies, ipads, DVDs, TV remotes and given repeated clear instructions on how to complete everyday tasks that they would be able to do if I were not trying to do this.