Autism stole my children away

Autism stole me children away
secret, subconscious hopes and dreams
eaten edge to edge along the years
anxiety, difficulties and strategies in their place
acronyms becoming part of our vocabulary
jargon once so terrifying now daily utterances.

My baby with her chubby face,
gripping her tiny hand around my finger,
gurgling, rocking, wide eyes unaware of the world
everything new, exciting, full of possibility
slowly but surely disappearing inside herself
daily demands have been too much to bear
her struggles all too raw and heartbreaking
my best for her cannot ever be enough
to guide her through our contradictory, non literal world
where different means wrong and understanding so lacking.

My tiny little girl, battled to survive
only to face the ongoing autism war
fighting convention, expectation, presumption and a rough start
people misunderstanding, letting her down, saying one, meaning two,
her young life scary, anxious, mistrusting, secret sorrow,
friendships elusive, world so loud and bright
room made for time out, recharging, rebuilding
meting people so exhausting.

My bouncing baby boy, rolls of blubber on chubby legs
up, walking before your body was big enough to cope
full of beans, mischief, the glint in your eyes
glazed over as life becomes too much
other people expect too much, traditions complicate life for you
what to say, how to stand, where to look, when to speak

For all of you, life is not straightforward
People are confusing, seem to be tricking you
Noises, lights, movements, smells, touches, foods, all too much
How will you cope as you age- how will you mature
my worries long ahead of your young years

within a year of the words being spoken, written in ink
coming to terms with what my heart knew deep down
trying to remain positive, look to the future with hope
strong for you when you can't be
guiding you through obstacles all the way

Autism stole my children away,
love and understanding keeps them close