Science fun day out

Our initial plans had been kaiboshed due to two children with PDA were too anxious to leave the house, so a quick internet search located three options nearby for me to take my eldest daughter for a fun day out, just me and her.

Option 1 was Lapworth museum https://www.birmingham.ac.uk/facilities/lapworth-museum/index.aspx

Option 2 was ThinkTank in Birmingham http://www.birminghammuseums.org.uk/thinktank

and Option 3 was The Space Centre in Leicester https://spacecentre.co.uk/

She doesn't do decisions or choices very easily, so we looked at their websites together. 1 had fossils and dinosaur bones, 2 had a dinosaur skull and lots of hands on science things to do as well as a planetarium and 3 had a planetarium, lots of hands on space things to do and the added advantage that we had been there before, so she would recognise it (albeit a few years ago now).

From a practical point I had to rule out option 1 due to weekday parking issues with our tall vehicle (so frustrating when we cannot fit into a car park nearby). 

She decided option 2 would be the best choice for her. 

I had heard of ThinkTank a few years back when we house sat for someone in this area, but had seen mixed reviews and lots of talk of cost and public transport. However, a quick search located a car park we would get into right next door to ThinkTank, the cost was very reasonable for entry and it seemed to have a huge variety of areas and topics covered inside.

Off we went, dodgy phone navigating us there (I had my fingers crossed all day that it wouldn't switch itself off so we could get home too). Even in the car park there were signs to ThinkTank, so it was looking good. Our only wobble was once we left the car park and the signs disappeared, leaving us surrounded by students, trying to get the same dodgy phone to work on google maps.....then I spotted a huge sign inside a building around the corner, indicating ThinkTank was right infront of us. Phew!

At the reception desk, the man we saw couldn't have been more helpful. He let her choose which planetarium show to watch, with no rush at all, pointed out all the information we needed to know- picnic areas, lockers, toilets, cafe, outdoor garden and planetarium location. When we sat down to have our picnic there were several school groups also doing the same (but still plenty of free seats and tables for us to use), so a member of staff showed us a quieter place to have our picnic without me needing to ask. There are two lifts in the central column of the museum, and a staircase winds around them to all floors also. My daughter finds descending stairs difficult, especially when feeling under pressure, so the lift was useful.

Despite the large numbers of school groups in the museum, we hardly saw any of them, and did not have to queue for any exhibit, wait for any activities or have any problems or altercations. My daughter was able to follow the map from floor to floor, selecting which activities she wished to try and returning later to the others. She was very impressed with the child size city, the water play and the natural history sections, also loving the planetarium show. 

We were very lucky in the planetarium to have only 26 people there in total, and the man working there was so enthusiastic, he brought the whole show to life for her. It was all about animals in the stars, constellations and ended with a song about Orion. 

There are so many fantastic displays and hands on activities I cannot possible name them here, but thoroughly recommend a visit if you haven't been.

We bought her an annual pass before leaving, then, at home when she told her sister all about it, she wanted to go back the next day!

Off we all went this time, the five of us. Our eldest very reluctantly, our youngest so excited she needed her buggy and ear defenders to help her focus and stay safe. This, and the weekend put a different slant on our visit. This time there were lots more families rather than groups of children- obviously- and there was a tiny queue to get in (three family groups in front of us maybe). The staff were the same, very helpful, very welcoming. We still got a locker, made use of the buggy parks around the child sized city and had to use the lift. This was the only possible negative of the day, but one we simply couldn't avoid. One of the two lifts broke down during the day, leaving all visitors with the use of just one, for a museum over four floors. That said, we weren't ever waiting too long, had the buggy there for our daughter to sit in (she can't queue well) and were able to allow our eldest to go ahead (with a supervisory tail) knowing he would be safe. 

We didn't have to wait for anything again, all the exhibits are sufficiently spread out to allow plenty of scope for visitors to access them without having to queue. Our planetarium visit was a no-go for our youngest, but we knew that would happen (we had to try though as you never know what day she will do something). The other three in our group enjoyed the show and met up with us afterwards. Another bonus feature that I had missed on the previous day was that our youngest could run (as she does) from activity to activity and I was able to keep an eye on her through windows, open plan layouts and low level displays. I also knew the only way for her to change floors was the glass lift or the stairs, both centrally located, so worst case scenario I would have had to wait there for her. It didn't come to that this time (almost when we lost my husband, but not for my daughter).

We bought both our other children annual passes also that day, and plan to return very soon, hopefully on a dry day so we can fully explore the outdoor garden too.  

All meltdowns and challenging behaviours were fairly easy to avoid at ThinkTank because of the open spaces, laid back staff and wide variety of activities available. When our youngest struggled with other children there, I was able to redirect her to plenty of other areas where she was able to cope better- even checking my teeth in the dental chair at one point 'say ahhh'.

Blue badge application

When we go out anywhere, as you may have read in previous posts, we have an uphill struggle before we even leave our house. Two of our children have anxiety around going out, and with pathological demand avoidance and the anxiety led need to be in control, they have to know exactly where we are going, why, who with, how long for, who will be there, what will be there, what will it look/sound/feel like there, what the weather is like, who's idea it was to go, and then, only then, will they decide whether or not they can face going.
Once we get past this point, we then have to actually get out of the house- shoes, coats, jumpers, ipads, DVD etc all cause problems with three children with autism all trying to get their things on. No matter how we try and stagger this, or place their items of clothing in separate locations, giving them plenty of space, this does not get any easier.
Then we finally get into the van. On a good day we have done this without anyone getting hurt, without us having to physically intervene for anyone's safety, and without the whole street hearing that we are going out. On a normal day we have at least one child - usually one of our two with PDA- shouting, stomping about, slamming doors, screaming, crying, being carried to the van screaming, various states of undress as we leave the house and fingernails being dragged across the front door as we leave.

Then we get to where we are going. Parking is a nightmare. With a husband who has anxiety around busy places, finding the right parking space where we are reasonably close to our final destination is a priority, but we have a large van for this same reason, so we need a space where the neighbouring vehicles are parked within the lines, not those where people are slightly over or on the line. We then have three children with extremely limited danger awareness, who we try to navigate through the car park, making sure noone runs off as we get others out of the van. Invariable one of them will refuse to leave the van and time is spent convincing them that they need to leave it and come with us, preferably dressed appropriately for the weather conditions and wherever we are going. We have a special needs pushchair to help our youngest cope with her sensory processing needs and to enable her to cope with going out atall, so that needs to be got out of the van - usually through the side door as the van is long and we can never get to the back doors and be inside a parking space. Whilst we are putting up the pushchair, watching three children don't put themselves in danger, monitoring how busy the environment is, ensuring their ipads are safely stowed away,/held securely checking we have the ear defenders, gum, distractions needed for each of them, checking my husband is happy and coping and running throught the mental checklist of blanket, raincover, sunglasses, sensory bag, purse, phone, hand gel, dummy, cuddly toy, inhalers, tissues, snacks, drinks etc etc there is invariably someone waiting impatiently to squeeze into the car next to us. By the time we actually get anywhere we are ready to go home again.

If we are going outside for a walk then we also take our little dog with us - not so much for her to have a walk as she isn't generally interested- but so she can sit with our youngest in the pushchair for support, or so our eldest can carry/walk her which keeps him focussed on her, distracted from everything else and relatively calm.

Our eldest daughter is the most likely to wander infront of moving traffic- and has done so many times. We generally have our youngest hand in hand if she is able to walk, or in the pushchair, our eldest is usually next to me, but our eldest daughter has to hold a hand or hold the buggy to prevent her wandering off whilst in her own world. She has wandered infront of cars whilst counting kerb stones before now, only stepping on white lines of the zebra crossing led her into the path of a reversing car, she doesn't even realise when these things happen, just gets pulled back by me and then looks at me as if it was my fault. Patterns distract her so much it truly is a danger.

When any of them have too much sensory information input, or when people expect too much from them (because they all look 'normal'....yes, I hate that word too but here I feel it best describes how people view them and how that affects their expectations of them) then this comes out as escalating behaviours if we are lucky, or straight to a meltdown/panic attack, at which point we need immediate access to the van when we are out in order to allow them chance to de-escalate, or ride out the meltdown, which usually ends in exhaustion for them (and us) so they need somewhere safe and familiar to help them.

I applied for DLA for all three children before they had been diagnosed, and before we had a full understanding of all of their needs and behaviours. I need to revisit this application for our youngest, as her care needs and mobility needs are increasing, and are easily explained within her reports from her psychologist and occupational therapist. I am not sure how to do this and need to bite the bullet and find out.

Today though was our interview following my application for a blue badge for her. I am under no illusions as to the liklihood of us actually getting one, and am fully expecting to have to appeal the decision not to award her a badge, but had to try anyway. I truly do feel she needs one, and the recent news that the government is reconsidering the procedure for awarding blue badges to people with mental disabilities and hidden disabilities couldn't come soon enough.
The lady we saw today couldn't have been less helpful. She had no interest whatsoever in anything I had with me- reports backing up the need for my youngest to have regular movement breaks, her demand avoidance, anxiety, sensory processing difficulties, statements from professionals acknowledging her difficulties with going out and walking. All she seemed interested in was trying to get my daughter to say hello, then goodbye to her. As if that was going to happen! She was so anxious about going that last night was a real struggle, let alone being able to speak to the woman who was as dry as the dessert.
The space on the form to write the information on when she cannot walk, why she cannot walk, and why we are applying for the badge was no more than five lines long, and this lady had big writing. I understand that people with physical disabilities may not need much space on such a form, but there are thousands of people who have problems walking any distance, or at all in many situations, who need a lot of information noting down surely.
She wrote in the even smaller box for additional information, that we can park in mother and baby spaces! When I pointed out that these are few and far between, and often full and not in every place we need to go, she said that she didn't know as she has never needed them. This compounded my gut feeling on sitting in her office, where her lack of humanity and empathy were palpable, these jobs are literally given to anyone.
We have to wait a couple of weeks to hear a decision now, and I checked with her that there is indeed an appeal procedure, fully expecting to be turned down because physically she can walk, even though she can't. I honestly wish that the changes would hurry up and be approved throughout the UK to help families in positions like ours.