A rough week

Monday

Nervously attended short breaks' service sports session that he had been to before, in the same place he had been before, with the same lead as before, but new staff working for the short break provider were straight in his face, trying to include him, trying to talk to him about things he didn't want to talk about, didn't take the hints from him to shut down the conversation, inviting more and more people to talk to him. As a Mum I had alarm bells ringing loudly at this point and was amazed he even stayed for the session. By the end I had a warning text from my husband that he hadn't coped well at all and wasn't able to talk to him at all. He had stormed out past the staff at the end. Once home he sat with me and explained he had felt left out, felt noone cared there, noone had noticed him and he was angry at having to go to sessions where there are others with more obvious disabilities and needs than him, which makes him feel self conscious and he wants to go to mainstream activities. He had wanted to play basketball so the lead gave him a basketball and left him to get on with it. He didn't want to join in with the silly games others were playing so had sat on the edge, alone, watching people play badminton next door instead, with noone coming to speak to him at all.

Tuesday

Busy day with me at a course, sister at the local care farm, dog was sick, then a home education meet at a play area where his friend would be. Things have been difficult for him with his friend recently as he is noticing the age gap more and more when they are together in person (less so online but still there) and is getting frustrated. Basically both my son and his friend are very similar and strongly prefer to play their own games in their own way (in person and online) and it is difficult to know when to intervene and when to leave them work it out as a parent because this is such an important skill for them to develop, but at the same time could have explosive results. After there we headed to the gym for a quick workout and a swim, but the swimming pool was in use for lessons so our only choice was the larger, cooler pool. He wouldn't even consider that option so we stuck to the gym and shower instead. He was very down about this saying everything he had wanted to do today he hadn't been able to do.

Wednesday

Swimming. This time we checked the pool timetable before heading out solely for a swim in the lovely warm pool, after an aqua aerobics class I had booked myself onto. He was going to join in too, but the lack of males and those under 40 severely put him off (understandable) so he made do with my bank card and a trip to the cafe instead, meeting me in the pool later on, then meeting up in the cafe after our swim once again.
Later on both his sisters had a short break session booked but he didn't want to go. This, followed by a local autism group meeting, would mean him home alone for a couple of hours, but he was happy with that, knowing we had our phones and weren't far away. (He knows what to do in an emergency, has access to phones and is more than capable of getting out in a fire). Despite this he panicked and rang me, upset, asking how long we were going to be when we were on our way home.

Thursday

His sisters bank cards arrived this morning and he lost his temper, saying everything he thinks is just for him gets ruined by them getting or doing it too. Then he had his regular gymnastics session this morning where they were working towards their badges. Sadly his sister got her badge today and he has a couple of skills to pass next time before he can pass the same badge. This did not go down at all well. He was very angry and upset but did well to return to the session for the cool down at the end. We all went to the gym in the afternoon for a swim, paying for a day pass for his sisters and dad. I had spoken to him before even asking them, checking he was alright about them coming there, and he was excited that he could play with them in the pool and happy for the girls to join up to come swimming regularly with us (probably aimed more at his youngest sister I suspect though). In the pool he was rude, angry, dangerous and refused to engage or listen. He was picking on his sister again and it was a very difficult time. On top of this he was very nervous about the social worker coming in the morning to see them all and this led to a meltdown at bedtime.

Friday

Refusal to get up and see the social worker ended in him going downstairs to say hello, but she will return to see him again and fill out some paperwork she has about each child. After the stress of her visit (I have massively understated this and the effect it had on him and us here) we had time for a quick lunch (which he didn't want or like any of apparently) before his friend came over to play.


This has been a very emotional and difficult week for him and whilst I appreciate this, and can see how a lot of these things have a negative impact on him, I cannot allow the bullying of his sister to continue. I have realised he almost projects his dislike for his sister onto others who have similar needs to her when he meets them at events and activities where he then feels superior and acts as such in his role of leader. This is then all released when he returns home where he feels safe and we have to deal with the fallout.

Masking.

Our eldest daughter is able to mask her difficulties to some extent, people often just say she is quiet or shy (which makes my blood boil). But my eldest and youngest mask their anxieties in such complex ways noone ever sees it or realises what is going on, even when we have told them, leaving us to deal with the fallout time and time again.