The Proud Place

We visited the proud place for the first time this weekend. Usually going to a new place involves hours of me researching the location online, in reviews and on Google street maps. This time was different.  When ai looked at the information for the event we planned on attending it included a section about accessibility as part of the main information sheet. Not hidden in a menu or drop down part of the screen, actually clear for all to see with the date and time for the event. I was able to confidently mention this event to my family knowing for certain that we would be able to access it. No questions asked. 

Such a refreshing approach. 

Despite this, on the day I was nervous. That is based on previous experiences elsewhere though. The old 'yes, we are fully wheelchair accessible, we just have two steps to get in' or ' oh, it shouldn't have listed us as accessible' was on my mind.

We arrived in the rain, parked in a nearby disabled bay and found the whole place easily accessible. The front door was a bit tricky with It being automatic but also on a buzzer intercom system but once we were through that it was all open plan, easy to get around and people were very accommodating. 

When there was a breakaway meeting I chose to attend in a smaller space I panicked about not fitting in the room. A volunteer simply moved chairs and steps out of the way to make space for my chair. I didn't even have to ask.

When they came around taking food orders (which we didn't even know happened) they had a gluten free vegan option available. We told them our extra needs with food and all were no problem, easily accommodated. We were actually able to eat food that other people were eating, at the same time and in the same place. That really blew my mind. I thanked the kitchen volunteers and told them how rare that was and their answer was simply that they try to be as inclusive as possible with food. 

If you have a transgender person in your life I whole heartedly recommend the proud place to you and to them. Look them up.

(No photos due to people's personal choice and because unfortunately transpobes choose to exist)

 

Winter Wonderland

We promised our son a trip to winter wonderland this winter and fulfilled this promise at the start of the new year, a couple of days before the fair closes. 

We were able to park on double yellow lines outside the fair using our blue badges and get our wheelchairs to the entrance. For some reason Winfer Wonderland was all set up on a platform this year so our first obstacle was the entrance itself, a sheer step up which took two run up attemps in my electric wheelchair and a lot of heaving for the manual chair. The bouncers offered to help me but there wasn't anything they could realistically have done without a ramp being present.

Once inside we wandered around, past the fire pit and food stands, past the ticket booth and bar and down another step to the rides. My son wanted to go in the fun house and see what else was suitable. My son chose three rides to go on and with the way the tokens were priced it was cheaper to buy enough tokens for 4 rides rather than just 3. This meant two goes on the favourite ride...the fun house. Luckily my son can still stand and walk just enough to be able to manage the fun house with a break afterwards and before. I hope that will be the case for years to come but honestly I don't know. 

The last ride of the three was a wild  choice, a bouncing and spinning ride that went very fast forwards and backwards. Very unlike my son to go on  something like that but off P went. Watching the ride was torturous, I filmed it all, knowing P probably wouldn't go in it again. At the end I asked if P was OK with thumbs up and got thumbs down as a response. Not ok. Thankfully P was alright, just a bit shaky and unsteady but not sick. 

In between the rides we toasted some marshmallows, bought candy floss, had a hot drink and shared some chips too. The second fun house trip allowed time for that to all go down a bit. I offered ice skating as an option but P didn't fancy it that day so we will go to the ice rink one day instead.

Getting down the step to exit the fair was terrifying, my chair tipping down and forwards on its way down.

Graveyard Squirrels

On the advice of my carer, my husband and I went to our local grave yard to walk my little dog Bella this weekend. There were so many old graves, obviously from rich families of the past. Some graves were sinking near trees, cracked, lifted up off the floor and falling over. There were small graves the size of a shoe box, huge graves so tall I wondered how they were still standing and everything inbetween. Some were for multiple people in families, children, babies and adults too. Some had verses, pictures, crosses and windows on. Some stood straight up and others lay flat with railings or raised stone details marking their borders. One was decorated for Halloween.

My carer says the squirrels nest under the lifted gravestones.

We parked up and got out of the car. Before we had even put the ramp away there were atleast 7 squirrels gathering from near and far across the way from us. People obviously feed them, not just us. They were all over the graves, trees and grass, leaping like newborn lambs towards our car. Everytime we stopped along our walk the same thing happened. At one point two squirrels had a quarrel that alerted my poorly sighted dog to their presence. 

Later on in our walk amongst the gravestones from long ago and more recent, my husband stopped and patiently waited for a squirrel to feel confident enough to eat out of his hands.

I videoed the squirrels for my children to see, a nice thought that even in death you aren't alone. Even if you feel your loved one is abandoned in a far away cemetery there will be company for them. 

We have already been back there once and plan to make it a regular area to walk Bella and maybe ponder life ourselves.

Welcome Unicorns

Looking back through my blog I have realised certain major parts of our life are missing. One needs addressing right away

There no longer is a Miss G. It is now Mr M and uses the pronouns it/it's.

Mr M told us aged 4 that it wasn't a girl, it was a boy and the chosen name was one we used at the time when it chose.

Then time went on and Mr M didn't comment on anything regarding feeling different about its body, but we noticed it was having difficulty with personal care. Being undressed seemed to be causing a response and soon Mr M became unable to wash. This is partly sensory from having autism but mostly due to gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia. 

Mr M has been on the waiting list to get some help with it's gender dysphoria since January 2022 and still we wait.

Because of PTSD caused by early childhood trauma, Mr M is unable to be around needles. This is an instant problem when talks of transitioning evolve because blood tests and testosterone injections involve needles. 

We have tried to get Mr M help from the school nurse, child social worker, early help worker, child in need plan worker, paediatrician, GP, private havening practitioner, child and adolescent mental health, NSPCC and mind. Noone has been able to offer any help at all. 

Mr M is behind in it's regular injection schedule for HPV and boosters. There is nothing we can do.

Over the past three years we have legally changed Mr M's name from Miss G to Mr M, found a community in our local mermaids group, met other people who are trans gender of different ages, been to many pride events (and there will be many more to come) and tried to help Mr M find a place where it feels it fits in. Mr M has difficulty with feeling like it fits in anywhere and gets down about this. Sadly the world is not very welcoming or accessible for a wheelchair user with autism who is trans gender. There are a lot of things to try and fit in with there.

We have open discussions about all topics, nothing is safe from being talked about (unless confidential) in our home from feetfinder to packers we talk about it all. We hope that by being open and not embarrassed or judgmental, that we can support our children and young people to feel safe and valued. 

Mr M is currently at an age where big decisions are being made about its future and what that looks like. A scary time for all of us, but especially difficult for Mr M. Decisions have always been a sticky point and the enormity of these doesn't help. 

We are hoping Mr M will find some likeminded individuals to build relationships with in the near future but at present we are keeping it as open as we can.