What a countdown we have had this year!
Waiting is not Miss A's strength by any stretch of the imagination. She finds it hard to wait for dinner to be cooked, in a queue, for her turn and for anything, ever. We accept that and work with her. It is not for want of trying. Believe me, we have tried a lot over the years. She comes over as being a spoilt child to other people because there is no obvious outward sign of her difficulties. I find that upsetting and often wish people wouldn't just assume, but I suppose we all make assumptions about people. It is how we act on those that can make the difference.
I haven't actually told any of her friends that she has autism, or any other difficulties, but they seem to just accept her as she is. A few nights ago there were electrical storms, and one of her older friends called over to give her a hug and help her cope with everything.
When it comes to sharing, she is getting better with her friends, but out and about, when she has to wait to share a turn with someone she isn't too great.
We always have countdowns to big days or events, such as holidays, special days out, birthdays and christmas. Thankfully you can ask Alexa how many days there are until a specific date so I don't have to work it out anymore and keep count. I used to have a note on my phones with the days counting down for her.
This year Miss A turned eight. Years always seem to fly by when it comes to birthdays, but this year seems to have gone exceptionally fast. Perhaps it is the lockdown and moving house just before her 7th birthday, or how busy we have all been, i don't know why, but looking at the timeline hop pictures from previous years on facebook I couldn't believe how quickly she has grown up to this age, and how much she has changed in a year.
In the run up to her birthday she always gets extremely excited. She can't cope with the excitement and spends the last week or two on the edge of a meltdown. This year has been no different. Because we know how much she struggles, we try to keep her distracted usually. This has been more tricky this syear with the restrictions and concerns over Covid-19.
We took a trip to Gulliver's resort near Rotherham for a couple of days (see my blog post here), allowed a lot of sleepovers and time playing with her friends up until the last five days or so, had the hot tub going, got her an indoor swing and generally tried to keep her busy and distracted. The electrical storms a few days before the big day didn't help things, but it finally arrived yesterday. She is now eight years old.
We normally give the children a choice between a day out, having friends over or a party. They can't cope withthe pressure of a party, and I can't cope with the concern over whether people will come or not (parents of children with autism or other additional needs or disabilities I am sure you can relate). I always try to lead them towards one of the other options instead, so, this year she had friends over.
Because my son doesn't live here full time at the moment, we have repurposed his bedroom as a chillout space where the girls can relax and get away from other distractions when needed. It is also used for sleepovers, and has come in useful several times already. When Miss A can't sleep in her own bed (for multiple reasons), she sleeps in this room. She doesn't sleep on the bed (demand), she takes blankets in with her and sleeps on the floor instead.
I don't know if it is because her bedroom is too busy, because her bed is a demand, because she has always had issues with sleep, or another reason entirely that she can't tell us as yet. I have looked into recommendations for a bedroom for a child with similar difficulties to Miss A, but none of them would work for her. She wouldn't be able to live in a minimalistic room and the rest of our home would be covered in her things. Sharing a room with Miss G is a big no-no. We tried that through necessity and it did not work at all. Both of them need their own space and have different needs when it comes to their space. Miss G has other reasons for needing her own room too. So we make do as best we can with the room that works for her (whilst trying to gently persuade her to let us help tidy it up, sort through her toys etc. ). She has black out blinds that can be completely removed in the day time and stuck up in the nights. We have as much of a bedtime routine as is possible for a child with PDA. She has a large bed so she can starfish/worm/wriggle around in the night without falling out of the bed, one of our cats often joins her in there at night too. She has blankets for warmth and a fan to cool down by.
She invited five girls in total to her birthday slumber party, and all of them showed up. We had chatted about what she wanted to happen and when, so I knew what she was expecting. As soon as everyone had arrived I ordered a Pizza Hut delivery for them all (two giant pizzas and two gluten free, cheese free pizzas) plus hubby got chips from the local chipshop to accompany the pizza (far cheaper that way). They all had ice cream for afters and a table full of activities to be getting on with as and when they chose, plus the trampolines and swings.
On arrival, each girl was given their party bag with an eye mask, lucky coin, positive cards, glow sticks, hair chalk, drink and snacks.
They all chalked eachother's hair, except for one girl who had her arms and face chalked instead. They painted their nails and tried to get the terrible nail foils to work (useless). Rocks were painted, necklaces and bracelets made with beads, tattoos drawn using a toy tattoo pen (which I think is brilliantly realistic) and lots of fun had.
There was a little bit of awkwardness with one friend who was from a different place to her other friends, so they didn't know eachother all that well. A quick revisit from Mum, cuddly toy and reassurance helped there. Miss A seems to have two friends she spends most of her time with. It seemed that they both felt it when they were together and sleeping arrangements had to be made. When there is one for a sleepover, they share her bed with her, so with them both there I supposee one felt displaced. Miss G led some 'get to kjnow you' games in the chill-out room and it all got easier. By the morning you wouldn't know there had been any awkwardness at all.
I sang Happy Birthday to Miss A at midnight, at the start of her birthday. She was sat up in her bed, chatting with two of her friends. I could still hear they were awake at 2am. Then at 4-5am they came downstairs. I pretended to be asleep a couple of times when our bedroom door was opened, hoping they might go back to bed. Eventually, at 8am we gave up and all got up. It turned oiut that, after insisting all her friends got up and came downstairs early, Miss A had then fallen asleep on the sofa. Typical.
After opening all her cards and gifts, she had her birthday cake, spent time playing with her friends outside and on the indoor swing and chose a Mc Donalds for lunch.
We only have two spare seats in our car, so Miss A and Miss G took their best friends to McDonalds, then over to a toy store to spend her birthday money (I told you she doesn't like to wait), before eventually heading back home. She was asleep in the car on the way home- no surprises there.
I know Miss G's best friend was asleep before we had even left her street and both hubby and I had to sleep when we got home too.
After all of that, she had another sleepover last night. Thankfully they both slept though- I think they needed it!
The main thing for us is that the children are happy and healthy. She was definitely happy, and the pizza and Mc Donalds were a treat.
As for finding a bit of calm and peace amongst the crazineses that has been the past fortnight?- we have had a lot of barbecues, spent time in the garden having a fire, watching the flames and taking deep breathes before returning to the hurricane.
I have also been looking after the garden plants, including this Foxglove that Miss G chose. There are always bumblebees flitting from flower to flower here and on the French lavender. I find it a calming place to sit and relax.
I have also found myself a place to relax indoors now, away from my bed. It means shutting off the indoor swing, so I can sit behind that door and use the family computer. I have created my own Minecraft world where everything is calm, peaceful, colourful, fair and makes sense (well, mostly). I even decided to mine for gold (like they do on Gold Rush, a TV programme me and Hubby have been watching).
Apart from those escapes, life is still pretty hectic and full on. Between our two girls and their different needs, lifestyles and personalities, we also have their friends who live locally, the chaos that follows Miss A and pre-teen hormones to consider.
But one of their friends did manage to capture this awesome photo for me the other night- the calm before the storms
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